Well today is Easter and like any other day Dustin is not here. I woke to the memories of last years Easter.The children waking us up and wanting to look for their baskets. Dusty would be running up and down the hall yelling come on... CANDY!! CANDY!! and he would be running and jumping on the furniture looking for where that crazy bunny put his basket...no excitement this year Robyn waited for us to get up and Daddy told her she could look for it, she just walked around until she found it.I know its dumb but I kinda looked forward to this magical day, after all it IS the day Jesus rose from the dead and part of me thought ...just maybe Dusty could too but I guess I'm just gunna have to realize its not possible. My baby is gone forever and theres nothing I can do about it. I sit and cry every day begging GOD to bring him back to me but he doesnt. I must be such an idiot to believe I still have a chance after 10 months.Why?why must I hurt like this? What did I do to deserve this? Every part of my body is screaming for him. I need to see him,smell him and to hold him close but most of all I just need him. I have begun to realize that I will never be whole again and that the new woman I have become, as much as I hate her is destined to live out the rest of her life in complete darkness and hurting. My carefree days are gone, no longer do I open my eyes and am thankful for being alive. I hate every beat of my heart and every breath I take is just a painful reminder that as much as don't want to...I still live without Bubba by my side.Oh God it hurts..please don't make me continue to live in this pain.Just give me back my boy,family and my life Please