These last few months have been pure hell. I have been thru so much I am just plain tired of it.I just don't want to do this. - I don't want to wake up every morning with this sick feeling. -I don't want my arms to ache like this for the little boy I know I can never hold . - I don't want to see the pity in peoples eyes when the talk to me. - I don't want to relive that night daily and try to fiqure out what I could of did differently. - I don't want to keep seeing those images daily. - I don't want to daily hear the Dr. say T.O.D. - I don't want to see those horrible images of Dustin when someone says his name - I don't want to daily hear Dr. Abear say there is no reason he is not here . - I don't want to feel like I cheated Rob out of his son. - I don't want to feel Like it is all my fault. - I don't want to feel like my friends and family know it is my fault and thats why they don't come around. - I don't want to feel like Robyn knows it's my fault and thats why shes made at me. - I don't want to feel like GOD took him from me to teach me a lesson - I don't want to feel like Dustin was cheated out of his life because of me. - I don't want to feel like I failed Dustin by not saving him. - I don't want to feel like I paid the ultimate price for stupidy - I don't want to live knowing I will never get my son back - I don't want to live knowing my perfect family is shattered - I don't want to live with this intense pain in my chest - I don't want to live knowing I could not safe Dustin. I JUST DON'T WANT TO ..............