These last few days have been tough, I feel like I am falling deeper and deeper into a hole. Everyone around me is busy shopping for X-mas and they seem so cheery.Me on the other hand could care less. How can this holiday come when Dustin is not here.He believed whole heartedly in Santa and you could see the "magic" of the season in his eyes. Every year he would take his money he made shoveling snow and buy daddy and myself something(usually 3+) for x-mas, it seems so cruel to me that the 25th is coming when such a big part will be missing. Yes I know I still have Robyn, but that does not "fix" the missing link. How do I go through my life making memories with Robyn and not him? Why was my sons life cut short? I have been told that ppl. are born to either learn or teach a lesson. That makes me wonder, just how DUMB I must be that my 11 year old finished his lesson before me. What was he to teach or learn? Yes he tought me what pure love was all about,and that kids CAN make a difference in this world.Yet I do not find comfort in this at all. I still see him as being snatched away from me to soon, and that brings me right back to WHY? This is my new life...i go in circles and never really get anywhere. I just want my son back and this pain in my heart to end.