Today the weirdest thing happened to me.As I was cleaning I swear I heard Dustin call to me. I dropped the clothes on the floor and ran through the house yelling and looking for him. When I realized he was not here the pain struck me like a knife to the heart and I felt like I lost him all over again. Everybody wonders how after 6 months I still believe that God will realize his mistake and give him back. The answer is, HOPE.. whithout this my whole world will fall down around me. My head tells me he can't come back but my heart and the mother in me still beleives its possible. The ache in my body for Dustin is so intense I cannot find the words to describe it. Will my body always ache like this? As X-mas draws nearer I seem to be slidding deeper into a hole with no way out. How do I do this holiday when every bone in my body is screaming NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Dustin made the holiday so magical with his stories and the little items he bought or made for us.How do I get up that day knowing my son is gone. My children are everything to me and not having Dusty is killing me,literally killing me. I just want God to give me my son back or take me out of this world. Like the song says " God Must Be Busy" because he could care less about me or what I need.