Well these past few days were harder than I can explain.On the 24th I watched Rob and Robyn decorate the tree.This was the 1st time in 13+ years I did not help.I sat and cried on the couch for the missing link. The next morning we sleep in till about 8. No little boy jumping on us ,yelling at us to get up that Santa had came.We all just got up and cried in the living room.As we watched Robyn opening her presents the missing part was felt by all. We then watched the Christmas video from 2 years ago , my what a difference. You could see the joy in everyones eyes, the same eyes that now stare blank.It felt so good to see Dustin, to hear his voice but most of all, to see him breath.I watched his chest rise and fall on the video and how I wished we could return to that day.As soon as the video was done the "healthy"images of Dusty were replaced by the coffin ones.Why must this too be taken? We took Dustin his presents and as I stood there by his stone reality hit, this is where I will always be giving him his presents.Why? Why was it him? The pain in my heart is so intense it's hard to breath at times.I just want my boy back. The rest of the day was just as crappy. Time seemed to stand still.Minutes were like hours. Only a few ppl called and 1 stopped in.I understand, on 1 of the happiest days of the year why would they wants to deal with us? We were alone to deal with it the best way we could, crying....yes we cried almost all day, but isn't that what Christmas is all about, the loss of a SON!