This past week has ben a rollercoaster of emotions for me.On Sun. I shot my 1st deer ever, a 220lb doe.What should of been a happy time turned out to be 1 of the saddest times since the accident. As I was walking up to the deer the missing boy who promised to drag my deer was felt more than the excitment, by the time I reached her I was crying.Mike and I stood by the deer, and he held me while I cried for my son and everything I am missing about him. I know Dusty was with me in spirit but lets face it...I want him HERE with me not there.And the pain continues...... Last night while flipping through the channels I heard and ad for the new year and it hit me...My son will not draw a breath in 2008.How dare a new year come without him and how do I face the fact that my son will not live in the new year or any after that? It's just not right. I cry daily for the child that was ripped from my arms and I still struggle with the images of that night and the following days.I don't know how much longer I can continue like this. I wear my"mask" for all to see but what I do and feel behind closed doors is different. How can I find the will to live when every breath hurts so bad? I Need my family whole again and that is not possible without Dustin. Please GOD give me my son back or end this pain.