This new life I'm supposed to lead...I can't do it. It hurts too much. I wake up and it hurts, I eat and it hurts, I take a shower and it hurts, I clean the house and it hurts, I go to sleep and it hurts. All the time, every minute of every day. It hurts...I'm not strong enough for this. I'm not strong enough to wake up everyday knowing that my baby isn't here. Knowig that no matter what I do, or where I go, Dustin is gone. THIS FREAKING SUCKS!! I just want to stop hurting for a little bit...but then again no I don't. If I stop hurting then that means he's not real to me anymore, he's been forgotten. And I can't forget him. This new life I'm being forced to lead...it's not fair, it's just not right. Why should anybody have to do this everyday? Why should anybody have to live with only the pieces of their heart surrounding them. Does it ever heal? Will my heart heal? Will there come a day when I don't wake up knowing that I should be getting up a son...not a memory. Instead I walk around in a haze. Randomly snapping at people for stupid stuff. Poor Rob. He goes through so much with me. He puts up with so much attitude, and I know that he hurts too...why should he have to worry about me when he hurts too... So many questions........just.....WHY!? That's all I wanna know. I know it won't change anything, it's still gonna hurt. Maybe it won't seem so senseless if I just knew why. Dustin I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you like I was supposed to.I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me most. I love you so much Bubba....I think about you everyday, all day. I'm just....I'm sorry my little man that I could not save you.