Last night Daniel held An Evening Of Remembrance at the SLU Chapel.Daniel had asked me to read a poem about a mother and son.I agreed but as time went on I wasn't so sure about it. The thought of standing in front of everybody and speaking terrified me, Rob assured me he would be there for me.We left the house early because it was storming pretty bad, it took 1 hr to get there but I was doing OK. As soon as we walked in Daniel introduced us to The Dean Family. I was giving an angel ornament from 1 grieving mom to another. They are such a nice family.I felt so bad knowing the reason they were there.Then the evening started, I was doing pretty good and then Who'd you be today played ,I shed a few tears but still OK.When it was my turn Rob came up with me, as I stood at the mic. I seen the big screen and on it was Bubba's pic. All of it hit me at once, I'm here not only remembering my dad but the little boy I love so much. I broke down right in front of everyone but with Rob's help I made it through.After I finished Rob stepped up to the mic. introduced himself and read the poem "Real Men Do cry" and just like he was there for me I stood by his side and helped him through.I am so proud of him, he was the only other man besides Daniel to speak and he did it just because he thought Dustin would want him too. The next slideshow ended with Bubba's pic and dates, his pic continued to show even when the next song began.It was so hard looking at it and seeing those dates next to him.All I wanted to do was run and scream, I want my boy back so bad, my life is shattered and I cannot find the way to fix it.Why was Dustin the 1 to go?Why not me?Dustin was ment to do great things, I remember listening to him tell me what he planned on doing with his life, and now I'll never get the chance to see them.I feel cheated.Why did I have to lose so much?Why us? After the service a nun came up to us and said"there was something about your son face, he lit up the room,so angelic like" I know these were nice things but I was hurt by them.Didn't she know he was ment to outlive me?He should still be here.Bubba should not of been in the slideshow to begin with,he should be with his family,where he belongs.I just want him here.Living hurts so much, why am I expected to go on feeling this way for years.How and Where do I find the strenght to go on living when all I want to do is curl up next to him? I must of done something terribly wrong to deserve this!