It has been a few days since I've wrote in this journal. It's not because I have been doing good,but because these past few days have been a living nightmare. Thanksgiving morning came and along with the tears and deep depression we felt we also had the 1st snowfall to face.Family tried to comfort us but that is not what we wanted, we want him. It was such a hard day to get through.Instead of being awaken by the kids jumping on us yelling "it's Turkey day" the 3 of us met and cried at the fireplace. How can a holiday come without him? I know I am thankful for Robyn and Rob but Dustin is not here, we are not the family we once were.The strong family of 4 has become 3 shattered pieces going in different directions.So that day we had NO mashed potatoes,no rolls, no squash, but what was missed and felt most was NO DUSTIN!! My baby is truely gone.The day after Thanksgiving was just as bad.It marked 6 months since the accident. I lost all hope that day of God sending him back. I cannot fix this, my live is ruined.Waking up each morning knowing he is gone forever kills.I try to do the things that Rob and Robyn expect me to do but I could care less about anything.I AM the mother that lost her son.I live in a dark world now. My anger for God has increased by 10 fold. Why would he take my boy , my good child while there are so many bad ppl in this world? I know I will never get the answer,I have realized that GOD just doesn't care about me or my feelings. I am living in HELL and hoping my days are numbered. The ache in my body for him grows stronger each day.I have to hold him,hear him ,feel his touch to ease this pain.To put it plainly...I NEED DUSTIN. Please, GOD give me my child back I can't do this much more.