These last few days have been rough.The weather change has hit me hard.I knew winter was coming, I just didn't realize it would bother me like this.I continue to read to Bubba a few times a week.I sit there wrapped up in a blanket with my winter jacket on.All the while hating myself.I have a jacket to warm me and all he is wearing is a t-shirt with a long button up and he is in the ground.The same ground that is about to freeze.What kind of mother am I to complain about the cold when my baby is freezing.I know his spirit is not there just his body.That is the same body I carried for 9 months,labored for,rocked , and kissed goodnight .How can I not care what happens to it? I continue to have a hard time sleeping,those images just don't quit.I see them at night as much as I do during the day.I know I should call a DR. but I don't need them to tell me just how messed up I am.I know how bad I am and I know other ppl. know too because they LOVE to share it with me(as if I wouldn't know)I feel at times Dustin is just a distant memory, I have already started to forget things about him(the way he smelled,his voice,his smile and laugh,and just the way it was as a family of 4)How can GOD let a mother forget her baby? It's just 1 more thing taken from me.I've started to lose hope of getting him back.I fear the day all hope is lost.