Last night around 7pm I was struck with an extreme sadness feeling.This is nothing new I seem to get it every few weeks,and I'm not sure what causes it.The sadness is like nothing i have experienced before May. When i'm in this "mood" my body shuts down,I don't want to eat,go out, even speaking seems to stop.Nothin matters.I'm never sure how long these moods will last.On top of dealing with this Kennedy School called, they have Dustin's plaque in and want to place it and dedicate the tree in his honor next week.I know I should be honored about this but it hurts to know the reason it's being done.I want Dustin to be known as a doctor,wrestler,NFL player...heck I will even take a burger flipper,anything but the boy that passed in 5th grade. And to make matters worse Rob had me ride to Walmart tonight to get a few items we needed.Out of the blue he started yelling for me to close my eyes and put my head down.I knew what this ment,a police car,firetruck or something was coming with flashing lights.I had my head down and eyes closed when I heard it.The ambulance while passing us turned on the siren.I was transported back to that night.My body was shaken,heart racing and I got this weird feeling in my body,it was like ice running thru my veins.Rob calmed me down and we went and did our shopping.Yet that was not the end to the torture.On the way home not 1 but 3 state truppers went pass us with lights on.How much more torture do I have to endure.As if losing my son isnt bad enough I have to deal with this crap too.I just want it all to STOP.PLEASE God hear this 1 prayer,PLEASE give me my boy back,I need him so.