Well yesterday I went and seen John Edward in Syracuse. I had been waiting for that day to come for so long. I just knew Dustin would come thru and ……..nothing. Although it was a great experience, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. Rob knew right away and he tried to help me see all the little signs that showed Bubba was there but….it wasn’t what I wanted. This morning I feel twice as bad. I’m so lost and sad. I just wanted to hear that he is OK. It’s been over 2 years of constant wondering and now there’s no end in site. I’m in such a dark place today , I lost my 1 chance of knowing for sure my child is ok. John looked right at me too and I thought …yes here it come and nothing…and then it was over , my heart broke again I wanted to just cry and then I seen my friends face, I felt even worse it’s been 13 years for her. So much longer than me…the 2 of us walked side by side with our heads down…2 mothers yearning to for their son’s. Rob has offered to take me to see someone else but I not sure if I will go, I don’t believe in their gift like I do John’s. So for now I am just trying to force myself to go on. It’s so hard without him. I miss everything about him. It’s just not fair. I hate what my life has become. .I hate it, I hate it… Why me? Why him? What did I do so wrong? I love you so much Bubba, and I hope you know that and just how much I miss you…I’M SO SORRY!!!!!!