I didn’t think I could find a darker place than where I was yesterday. Boy was I wrong, today is so much worse. I am just so tired of everything. Tired of feeling like crap and defiantly tired of everyone telling me that I’m not doing it right. Well I am so sorry, why don’t they just trade places with me and show me how it is suppose to be done. I am trying my best. I didn’t get the handbook on how to be a grieving mother. If one more person tells me.. ”your not doing so good” I’m going to snap. I don’t know who I am any more or what I’m suppose to do .Once again I am the only one who doesn’t know because they are all so quick to say no you can’t do that or your not ready to do something like that. I wish someone would let me in on what I am supposed to do. Apparently everybody knows except me. I just wish there was somebody that was willing to help me and not JUDGE. I didn’t ask for this. I hate everything about it. Why can’t they see that….I am so alone. I miss Dustin so much .Every moment of day I think about him. How tall he would be? would his voice be changing? What would he be like as a teenager? Is he OK? Questions upon questions, with no answers and no chance to get them answered .I have lost so much, even the little bit of hope I had was snuffed out yesterday. I am completely alone in this cold dark place.