Dustin’s birthday is a little over 2 weeks away. I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into a dark hole. At times I even gasp for air, it hurts, it hurts so much. I should be planning a party for him…he’s turning 13 years old…yet I can’t celebrate this milestone with him. This year I didn’t invite anybody to share his day with us….I just couldn’t do it. I know how hard that day will be on me and I don’t need everybody witnessing that . I don’t know where to even get the strength to get through April…Yet some how I know I will…and then it’s May.. OH GOD May!!!! It will be 2 years!!!! 2 years since I held, seen or heard my child. How can that be? How do I manage to still exist when every fiber of my being hurts? I try to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it but deep inside I know…I always know, no calendar is needed for that. I’ve already decided what I will do for his angelversary . I am going to make note of every child in the cemetery under the age of 16 and then on the 23rd I will give them all a flower .That way not only am I remembering and honoring my child but all the other children there that were taken to soon. In doing this I hope when I am gone somebody will remember Bubba even if it’s just once. I can’t let him be forgotten. I just can’t