Feb.23rd….marks another month passing without Dustin. How can life continue without him by my side? How and why does my broken heart continue to beat? Yesterday the extreme sadness hit me and hit me hard .I was home alone washing dishes when the images started and once again I found myself on the floor crying for my child and cursing God for taking him from me. I still find it hard to believe how clear the images are.. it’s as if I am reliving it all over again. I see and hear it all.. over and over again.. from seeing his lifeless body laying there, to the taste of vomit in his mouth right down to the God awful sound he made when Rob placed him in my arms for the last time. .How does one learn to live with that? yet people tell me to get over it, to just move on. How can they say that when they have no idea what it is like being me. I “wear my mask” almost all the time now, nobody wants to see the real me. It seems like they are always pushing me to do things I’m not ready for. I try to explain it to them but they never listen .So I spend my days doing what other people think I should do and hating every minute of it…. I what my life back!! I want to feel whole and normal again.!!! I want my son !!!! Why is that so hard for them to understand? I love and miss Bubba with all that is in me and I am tired of acting like it’s OK he is gone…IT’S NOT OK AND IT NEVER WILL BE!!!!!