This morning I woke up crying, I had been dreaming I was at a memorial service for Dustin. All his friends were there and they had grown so much. I keep searching all the little boy faces for Bubba but of course he wasn’t there.. In less than 2 months Dustin should be turning 13. I find myself wondering how different it would be having a teenage son. Would he be tall? Would his voice be changing? Would he still want to spend time with me? Would he continue to be Rob’s shadow? Would he still be as active as he was? These are all questions I search daily for even though I know I will never get the answers. All I have are pictures on the wall of my son…frozen in time at 11. On the rough days I hold one of the pictures close to my chest while listening to his voice on the answering machine tape and just for a moment my body relaxes and then the pain comes flooding back and knocks me back down. I don’t know how much longer I can endure this constant pain. All I do know is that I love and miss my son with all my heart