Tomorrow makes 1 year. Just typing it hurts so. I can't even explain how I feel. The closer the day gets the worse I feel. As I sit here typing,tears flowing down my face I realize.... this is for life. My little man is gone and hes not coming back. How do I live knowing this? I know it sounds stupid but I believed I could fix this, GOD would give him back if I learned my lesson but hes not..HES NOT GOING TO!!! I just want my son, I need to hold him close,shower him with hugs and kisses and make sure he knows just how much I love him. I need the pain to stop, I need to feel whole again. I need Dustin..Damn it GOD...don't make me do this, please don't make me in this hell. Please give him back