I have been having a rough week to say the least. After having a full blown anxiety attack in the dentist chair Thursday I was hit with the extreme saddness feeling. This time the feeling has lasted longer than it has normaly and i'm to the point of not caring anymore.Last night as I sat crying in my closet I realized just how alone I really am. My friends are all cought up in their lives (thats normal)and they have put this behind them and my family is busy dealing with their issues.Rob and Robyn have figured out how to go on and how to deal with this and I have yet to. Rob has even started working on his and Dustin's NOW list for life. We are at different ends of the grief road.At 1st they understood and were willing to wait for me but now the understanding has been replaced with frustation. They seem to think I can control the way I feel. I have decided i no longer will go to my counselor, I do not see where he has helped me at all. I am in the same place I was when I first started going.I have come to believe that this is as good as I will get.This is the new person I have become as much as I hate it I know I cannot change it. So who do I turn to for help in this? I guess the answer is myself, that way I know I will not be judged and won't be pressured to "hurry" through my grief. I struggle everyday with the images of those 1st few days. I can recall the accident with perfect detail and i'm transported back to that night thanks to flashing lights and sirens.How can I begin to learn to live my new life if i'm continuely reliving that night? Just another question I can't get answered but like i'm always told....we'll deal with that later.. So for now I sit alone longing for the child that was ripped from my arms way to soon. I love and miss you Bubba with all my heart.