Well today makes 9 months, I am still amazed that my heart has continued to beat. Today has been rough to say the least, I knew it was going to be but I was not prepared for all the emotions to come crashing in. They started yesterday when the cat and dog were fighting and from pure habit I yelled...Dustin and Robyn stop it. The words were ot of my mouth before I could stop them. Robyn just looked at me and the tears in my eyes must of spoke to her heart because with the saddest face she said...It wasn't us. I seemed to go down hill from there. Today I have been doing alot of thinking and having flashbacks of happier times. I continue to hear the "stupid" things from people on what they think I "need" to do or don't to. I have come to realize that these people do not have a clue and they never will. I'm not saying I want them to understand because I would never want another mother to feel this kind of pain but I wish they would just think BEFORE they speak.They do not realize just how much their sayings hurt me to the core.I have been told by numerous people that their favorite part of this site is my journal. I have struggled with if I really wanted this to be public or not and I have deceide that if they truely want to know what a grieving mother thinks and feels so be it.I also hope that they will "learn" some thinks from it, like what is truely helpful. I am still being asked the question...How do you do it? or I am told....I don't know how you manage I could never do it. My answer to this is..I WAS NOT GIVING THE CHOICE!!!!!!so if you still wanna know what it feels like read the poem Losing a Piece of Me I sent this out months ago up ....yes I continue to feel this way