My mind continues to play tricks on me as if May never happened or God has noticed his mistake and sent him back to me.Today while making cookies I started to yell for Bubba to come get a beater. I stopped myself mid "Bub" but it was to late the pain hit me like a knife to my heart.I managed to keep myself busy for the rest of the day until tonight.While in the shower I turned toward the door and there he was, I could see that beautiful face of his,that spiky hair and those eyes. Without thinking I reached for him and my hand hit the shower door and wiped of the steamy image of Him and once again he was gone and I was left standing there wondering what happened and crying for my boy. How can I continue to have these glimmers of hope just to be left devestated once again?What did I do to deser this type of torture.Everyday is a struggle just to get through and I wonder how....How do I continue to live with this extreme pain?I have never felt anything like this, the pain goes through my entire body and it never STOPS.Why must I live like this? Why can't I have my son ?Why GOD? Why did you destroy me and my family? WHY??