This past Friday we were all down in the burg looking for something to do to past the time.After getting a movie Robyn asked for a Rootbeer Float, she had been asking for weeks so Rob said sure.I was asked if I wanted one and I quickly replied NO.Rob ordered and as we sat in the drive thru window it hit me and hit hard.Dustin had been looking forward to the store opening so he could get his fav. a rootbeer float.Looking in the window I seen all the mothers sitting there with her kids and I wondered if she knew just how lucky she was.I had told Bubba that we would have a "date" there 1 day and I could imagine him sitting across from me,swinging his legs chattering on about his day as he sipped on his float, but I knew deep in my heart that, that image would never come true.My son didn't even live long enough for the store to open let alone have a date.I sat there in the truck balling my eyes out once again for my baby.Rob tried to help by saying he ordered 1 for Bubba and as I took 1 small sip of Rob's the emotions got worse.I felt like I betrayed my son, how dare I eat something that he so badly wanted? how could I do that to him?We came home and I went straight to my closet to hold 1 of his shirts.I just needed to feel him close to me.My closet.....the closest thing Dustin has to a room, how can that be?I don't even have a bedroom for him, and that shirt..it did nothing to comfort me so there I sat...on my closet floor holding his shirt rocking back and forth crying for my child.So yes it was more than just a float it was a reminder of what I lost and what I will never have....It's so hard to explain to ppl how I feel.to sum it up..I have no idea how such a shattered heart can continue to struggle just to beat or how a person can hate evey shallow breath they are forced to take,yet I am living proof that it happens.Grief has managed to overtake my entire body.It is getting so hard to wear this mask and continue to lie to ppl about how I am.I don't understand why I am being made to deal with this.I just want my son back