Well I went to the DR. today, she confirmed what everybody has been telling me. I'm not doing so well,as if I didn't know. I have been put on a sleeping med. and one for anxiety.It was also suggested that I go see Daniel and soon. I wanted to ask...What's the hurry, but she didn't look like she was in a playful mood...and I didn't want to spend the nite in the psych. ward. Today is the last day of 2007, i sit and watch the time click by and the sadness gets stronger with each passing minute.In a few hours I will be leaving this year behind,the last year my baby lived in. Everybody tells me 2008 will be better,but how can it, Dustin will never see it or any following ones. Yes I know I should of realized this in May, but I didn't. I hate that my life continues and I am forced to move forward leaving Dustin behind.Oh God how this hurts.Even saying those words tick me off,I know I do not have the right to call on him or ask for anything.After all he is the one that took him away and who forces me to live in this pain.Yet I know he is the only 1 that can "fix" me. I would give everything I have just to hold my son.It has been so long since I seen or held him. I remember him coming home from school that day.I hid behind the door and jumped out at him, put his head to my chest and said"Oh Dustin let me mother you".How I wish I could feel his warm body next to me or see him roll those baby blue eyes at me and say aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww MOM. but all I have now is a memory of"mothering" my little man. OH GOD I hate this....and you for doing this to my family