Yesterday I went to the mall with Robyn and Jen, I found that I did not have that sick feeling in my stomach like I usually do when I go to the burg.I knew that in Watertown ppl don't know me so the Stares I normaly get I wouldn't have to deal with.Little did I realize that I would have a entirely differnt problem.There were so many mothers there with children, some had 2 or 3 boys.I found myself staring at them wondering what made her so SPECIAL that she gets to raise her children.What does she have that I don't?It's not that I am wishing harm to them,it's just I don't understand WHY some ppl get to have several children and I cannot have 2.Why does God allow ppl to keep having kids(Duggers have 17) yet he takes my 2nd child.I didn't want Robyn and Jen to notice so I chatted about anything and everything just to take my mind off these ppl.On the way hom I felt someone touch my shoulder.I knew it had to be Bubba because Robyn was sleeping and Jen was driving.Just the thought of it send chills down my spine.Is my little man around me at all times or am I just wishing he was.I use to believe in afterlife,spirits,God and many other things.Now I don't know what to believe in,I Need to believe in afterlife and angels just to get through my day .God is a different story,I know there must be 1 but as far as him being a loving, caring GOD.I cannot believe that,he knows how it feels to grieve for a child yet he stands by and watches us.Why doesn't he step in and stop the pain.Better yet why does he take our children that we wanted for so long.As a parent I know I would do anything and everything to protect my kids from pain.Shouldnt he DO the same?Why is it when I need him the most he is not there for me.I am all alone just like I have been for almost 6 months.