Tomorrow is Bubba’s 13th birthday. As the day gets closer the pain in my chest multiplies. I can’t even describe how bad this hurts. All I know is that I have been on my knees crying uncontrollably several times to the point where I can barely breathe. Every part of me is crying out for Dusty. I can’t sleep and can barely eat but what hurts the most is the pain in Rob’s eyes. Last night he collapsed into my arms crying. As I held him I couldn’t help but cry, but not for me, for him and all his dreams that were stripped away. It’s hard to see him in so much pain knowing there’s nothing I can say or do to help him. All I can do is listen. The last few days I have learned that our support system has fizzled out, I reached out to 3 different people to help me and one by one they all fell short. I really can’t blame them, they shouldn’t have to deal with this for the rest of their lives and as much as it hurts my feelings I do understand. To be around people so sad for this long has got to be draining. So today I am once again crying alone and praying for this to be just a horrible dream…..Please God, please give us our son back, we need him so. Our lives are not complete without him and we can’t endure this kind of pain much more