Today is one of those days where I can’t help but think about what I am missing out on. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine when I caught a glimpse of her son. I couldn’t believe the changes in him from the last time I seen him. I couldn’t help but stare, he is Dustin’s age. My mind began to race, would Dustin be that tall, would his voice be changing, would he still hold my hand when we walked, damn it.. I don’t even know what Bubba looks like at 12 and she has the nerve to complain to me about what her son wants for Christmas, heck I don’t even know what 12 year old boys like. Doesn’t she realize I would give anything to have Dustin back. Instead of happily shopping and decorating for the season I sit alone and cry for the past. Rob always complained that I went over board. Every room would be decorated and the children would have a ton a gifts. The look on their faces when they seen the pile of presents was always worth the credit card bills…Now I can’t even bring myself to shop. How do I go from buying for 2 to just one? I do feel bad for Robyn but I just can’t face that once again Dustin won’t be here on Christmas morning. Last year was so hard on us all and I know this year will be just as bad if not worse. The numbness is gone. I don’t think I can handle the disappointed look on Robyn’s face when she sees those couple presents that Rob has managed to buy and wrap. All I know is I can’t do this and miss my son more and more with each passing hour…Oh God I miss my little man