Last week a friend of mine told me she was so proud of me because I have changed and matured so much this past year. This is one of the statements that just “rocks my world” Yes I know I have changed but the change is nothing to be proud of. I have changed from the fun loving mother I use to be into a shell of a woman who would rather live in the past then face the future .The more I thought about this the worse the statement made me feel so I decided to spend a few minutes letting everyone know what I have learned: --family, even though they mean well were the ones to hurt me the most, --the people I thought would help me cope with Dustin's accident were the 1st to run --a woman who has never been pregnant CAN be the best support around, -- time does not heal all wounds, it just makes me a better liar, -- sometimes I just need someone to cry with me, -- just because I think I am coping well doesn't mean I am, --the little things are what I miss and need the most, --there is no way to prepare for the dreaded question. "How many Children Do You Have" --hope can come in many different forms, --It is OK to be mad at GOD, -- it is possible to live with a broken heart, -- there is no way to fool my body so it does not ache for Dustin, --no matter how much I try I can't make time move in reverse -- living happily ever after is just for fairy tales -- people really don’t want to know how I am…they only ask to be polite --silence is now my worse enemy -- I no longer “fit” into this world, and never will -- no matter how much I beg and plead, God will not change his mind